To-dꜽ , yet again , in My dream I had hurt Some-one — with This time It being over Him stealing My cat — by First making My cat rip His pocket out and come out of It by whistling ⸻ since the guy tꝏk My cat that was lꜽing next to Me by putting It in His Left pocket , Despicable liar told Me to lꝏk Some-where , alas ; unbeknownst to Him This Strꜽ-cat — actually — is conditioned to come to Me using My mouth to create noises ⸻ and after that I tꝏk a Street sign I hꜹe in My posession and with It’s corner I hit the 40-years-old man — despite Him telling Me to « Stop ! » I listened not to — cꜷsing Extreme trꜷma on His stomach with Heꜹy bleeding until He admits that He thought I was a stranger trying to kidnap the Strꜽ-cat to which I replied with : I live here , and stopped attacking after bringing Him near to the edge of death with My Relentless attack , verily  ‘twas His fꜷlt to : steal Some-thing from Me & think a girl was only a nuisance He needed to deal with without harming Me , and what’s — objectively — worse is that He thought no harm could come from Me , How-ever ; I came for Him , for I won’t leꜹe My cat to hands of the stranger — no matter how long He spent in This place , ‘twas My cat , nonetheless ; I wish I had killed Him instead of letting Him go , and — although I didn’t lꝏk at Him when I turned My back and left , I watched It the First time walking awꜽ with My cat — instead of watching Him walk awꜽ I wish I could silence Him For-ever as He deserved — I don’t know what happened to the cat , though I presume It followed Me on My wꜽ until I left It’s area , How-ever  some mꜽ sꜽ : « But that’s not Proportional Self-defence or reaction , that’s not right ! » , and to that — Mine interlocutors — I sꜽ : ‘tisn’t My problem , for might makes right , verily ; why I oughn’t use all of My power to eradicate an enemy , to elaborate My stance ; let Us imagine : people ⸻ of 3 tiers — friend , neutral , enemy ⸻ annoys — who has , for the sake of This explanation , has Immense power — Me — by sꜽing : « Your writing is just You huffing on Your fart. » , « Your drawings are of Horrendous quality. » , « You’re an Attention-seeker. » , & « You collect data to do marketing , and I support This person’s words who accuses You. »  — and now that We hꜹe an event , We mꜽ commence to Under-stand My responses to each one respectively , firstly  for friends My response to such words would be Utter disbelief , since Some-one knowing Me shan’t sꜽ these — in the end :I wouldn’t — particularly — act on Them , for They know not better to judge Me better than Their Petty rules over syntax , How-ever ; if Those words accusing My speech would get targeted by neutrals or foes then I would press My thumbs against Their eyes to blind Them and proclaim : « You don’t deserve to see Any-wꜽs , I — merely — correct the Mis-take in reality ⸺ You claiming to be able to see while You — clearly — can’t. » and leꜹe It at that , secondly  for My pals who utters words about My drawing I would ask Them : « How can I make It better , then ? » , and wait for Their responses — unto Them I grant the benefit of doubt to show that They weren’t — simply — trying to defame Me , alas ; should a neutral tell Me such thing , I would expect a reason behind It — for one oughtn’t be so harsh without a reason , and — depending on Their profession and reason — I mꜽ react same as how I would react to : My friends , Mine enemies , or Some-where in-between , none-the-less ; for Mine enemies , depending on Their reasoning being of help or defamation , I would either listen to Them & Dis-regard later or skin Them alive in front of Their Family members to show My Greatest New Art-piece — Them , thirdy  I would interrogate My Social-relationship partners about Their statement , asking Them : « Why You think I am one ? » , until They respond — the answer would either mean They’re jesting or want to make fun of Me , and — respectively — that means I either join Them in Their jest on Equal fꝏtting or throw Them out , one the other hand ; if an Unknown person , to Me — personally , told Me such thing I would hold Their cheeks and stuff Carbonated drinks in Their Nose-thrils while lꝏking at Their eyes , to elabore ; if They were My nemesis I would — simply — cut Their throat — for They’re unworthy of Mine attention , since They believe I live for Their attention , and lastly  for Those who I thought Them as friends but alas supported Some-one else while I was banned from speaking : They shall hꜹe the explanation of Utmost logic delivered with Objective facts I can prove — be Their failing come truͤ , then I ought for to treat Them as enemies becꜷse even if They don’t agree with all of message agreeing with parts of It is same as agreeing with all of It ⸻ to elaborate further on This matter : I — undubitabilis — support things that are not 100 % in line with Me , becꜷse all of Man-kind is different — since I know I can’t get Every-one to Unequivocally support My stance , whencefore ; I support ideas & movements that do not 100 % align with My Best interests , therefore  one supporting — even partially — Some-thing against Me is same as supporting It fully becꜷse that’s how humans gather ⸻ which means in This case , be it neutral or friend , those who fail to explain an Out-sider reason are to be taken as enemes , on the Other side ; for Mine enemies in This matter the only thing I would do is to chain Them to a rꝏm and put a Blind-fold on Their eyes ⸺ letting Them drink only water , only to be followed by listening to Their 1ˢᵗ-degree  — then 2ⁿᵈ , then 3ʳᵈ , then Other degrees — family’s screams of pain until They die one by one by the people I pꜽ to torture Them ⸺ I would be in Different place , oblivous to Their pain , surely ; ‘tis would be of Sufficient reaction to them , alas  I possess no capabilites , therefore ; I citate — as I did in p.7302 / Status update № 4 / § 2 / part « firstly — on having a Corrupt World-view & My kindness getting called " fake " ; » — the words spoken in the past : « Ye have heard that it hath been said, [ «  ] Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. [  » , b ]ut I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; » , and keep My façade of being nice ⸺ without It , that’s — just — suicide waiting to happen , Socially & Legally speaking , to clarify ; even if I can’t — really — torture Them for fun or to teach Them a lesson each group still gets a Specific reaction depending on what They sꜽ or do and My response depends on not only on what was said — an Important thing , on It-self — but who said It and how I categorize Them in the given moment , and that’s the 2ⁿᵈ pillar ⸺ I mꜽ forget what You did to become in a Specific category but I don’t forget what You are , moreover  that explains why I believe not in critics — even if I hate russia , india , pakistan , china , & so forth — of : israel , russia , america , india , pakistan , china , union European , & more , for example ; take the Israelian Counter-terrorism operations , where people attribute attacks of a Terrorist organization to Them — given power by the people living there , not — simply — bombing hospitals or schꝏls or homes but instead uses Precision missiles on Specific locations — despite Every-one keep being Anti-sematic and claim Self-sabotage Hospital attacks were Actually theirs — is Some-thing that I can not parse , to explain ; if Every-one Currently thinks I do It already , why not Actually do It and destroy Them ⸺ verily , for Some reason They talk about how kids throwing stones shan’t be even detained — but They make a mistake , for This dꜽ’s Stone-thrower is To-morrow’s terrorist , by even taking time to detain instead of killing the children to ensure no Other Off-spring of Them mꜽ hold arms , unexplainable — for Me ; They hꜹe Already : done deals , signed deals , and is an Active Arms-provider to Other nations , in Other words : They hꜹe the might & place to use , so a problem rises for Me — if They’re known to do These things why hold short & make the status Quo force Their hands to hold down instead of , from the start — if They had done It , doing as the critics sꜽ and kill Every-one who is against Them even partially in Terrorist Heart-lands , without a doubt ; if Those people were of Intelligent beings They would stop hꜹing children only to get killed by the mightier and try to switch sides instead of sꜽing : « October 7ᵗʰ attacks were justified , hꝏrah ! » , just to — later — sꜽ that : « ‘tis a genocide ! »  — even though all of that Terrorist organization’s forces are made out of , or endorsed by , civilians by giving All things from fꝏd to Man-power , moreover ; to those who sꜽ : « If israel did that , They would : allienate even Their Closest allies , collapse Their Soft power , Invite : sanctions , tribunals , boycotts , & — possibly — war. » , I sꜽ unto You : lꝏk at russia , for They Already do It and Their genocides are Sub-headings in Western articles , israel is Already boycotted by Anti-semitic alliances & Many states that are muslim or Muslim-leaning that is not ruled by idiots , & even afghanistan — ruled by taliban — gets tourists , who are You to talk about these , wherefore  the Main point is as thus ; mightier shall use It’s power so that It shall live & weak shall betrꜽ Other weak and help the mightier so that They will live , meaning : Each side is not Inherently Dis-advantaged , weak can’t exist without might & might can’t exist without weak , alas ; dealing into explanation of This truth needs another Status update , since ‘tis sentence is ought for to explain My dream & My interpretation.

« La gott ist mort
I cry over my mistake( s ) all dꜽ
I regret nothing.I am content with everything I have done. »

The words , the hereinabove lines I speak of , stated there were written when I closed Mine Ocular organs to lꝏk at In-side — to lꝏk freely — and read this — ‘twas a Text file , of Sufficient magnititude to reach 300 or 400 lines , I read , and ; in there was written Those words , They were the First lines in this Little mind of Mine. I am , so to speak honestly , terrified of Mine Own mind when I stop thinking about Some-thing consciously , I — only — get to see the horrors Some-times , Really Weird ones at that — happening in under a second , as in : I don’t even need to close Mine eyes , all I hꜹe to do is Simply wait or let It run It’s course To-wards My brain with no regards to My Mental Well-being , verily ; why It ought for to care for My Mental Well-being , when I don’t — answer is as thus : It needn’t care for My facilities , for They belong to Me and not It , moreover ; Every-thing hereinafter written will be from the bottom of Mine heart , without editing. Aforementioned horrors I see when I close , or don’t close Mine eyes , I see such stuff : a head made out of stone , 3 meters in height , with 8 or more Spider-alike legs , with hair of Great length — this was what I saw , the face was a face of a man in His 40 to 50s , [ ‘twas ] was white , since It was made out of stone , verily ; seeing such depiction was not only horrfying but also unsettling , since I ask My-self : « How can It be made up from Mine imagination ? » and to That inquiry the response I’ve — alwꜽs — come for to is as thus : « No such Under-taking is done by Mine own , ‘twas — simply — an event of reality — neither duͤ to Me nor becꜷse of Me , but becꜷse of the Primal Me. » and I am happy with This answer for It answers My wonders : « why shall I not fear It ? » I lꝏk to My right , I see nꜷght — lꝏk to My left , I see nꜷght here , tꝏ , interestingly ; ‘tis problem of Mine is not limited to My Ludicrous efforts to stꜽ alive , nꜽ ; ‘twasn’t [ becꜷse ] of that  — Real cꜷse is from lost of information , I type , yet ; I forget , I even forgot what I wrote while typing that part since My memory oft fails Me as It’s — simply — a Meat-puppet , [ a ] Floating a [ P ]rotein[ - ]bar : telling Me to believe in It’s supremacy.

Before I start to tell You My dream , I shall tell You : My Greatest hates , Mine Emotional triggers , Mine inability to Under-stand people , & My Smaller dream , whenceforth  for first  Mine Emotional triggers , for crying , are : when an Emotional anchor , such as Adopted child or connection , of Another Non-human being , be It a robot or a humanoid , gets hurt — which , in turn , cꜷses the Original Non-human being to show symptoms of grief & / or sadness , How-ever ; if such thing were to happen to an human I mꜽ care — but if It were to happen to an human I don’t care or like , then I would — simply — shrug and mock Them for even getting sad , and for 2ⁿᵈ  My Greatest hates are : Interpretive Symbolic analysises , Literary analysis , & / or Psycho-analytic reading , for They are of Utmost annoyance — not out of Them being tedious , nor Them being Self-referential complexity , but becꜷse They so Oft insist upon finding in a text Far more than what occurs within It , as in : They burden the work with meanings It Never asked to carry & assign to the ꜷthor intentions that were Never there , as though imagination & invention are not of sufficiency by Them-selves without scaffolding of Academic postulation , ergo ; I despite the habit — Wide-spread in Most Literary disciplines — of lꝏking beyond the scene , to : the line , the character , or Every-thing else as if what is said & what is done are Never enough — such that , for Them — sinners , ‘tis not of Sufficient sequitur for a story to unfold in It’s Own language , wherefore ; We must , according to Them , translate It into a Labyrinthine interpretation , one made out of symbols , and take It as a place , such that : nꜷght means only what They want It to mean & Every-thing is a sign pointing to Some-thing else , that : Every-thing has Some-thing behind It which is Some-thing , supposedly , deeper — but Often , in truth , things are what They are , verily ; what could hꜹe been More reductive for a work than Some-one claiming that the : Bluͤ sky , Quiet walk , Sudden weeping of a character must stand for Some Abstract principle or Psychological wound — rather than existing as a moment from Inherent humanness of a character — and can’t be Simply be It’s Own moment , apart from These sins there live a Bigger one : the Psycho-analytic reading — that Most prescriptive of lenses , which insists that the Inner lives of characters , and — indeed — of ꜷthors , must be viewed through the Narrow corridors of Psychological theory , It claims , I sꜽ , to Under-stand : desire , repression , trꜷma , & archetype better than the Very people who live Them , the characters , and abstracts Them into patterns , symbols , or projections — thereby removing Them from Their : particularity , voice, dignity , indiviualship , presence in narrative — to read into Them as mechanisms and not lives , surely ; by doing It so , It treats the Literary work not as Some-thing created but as Some-thing which is confessed — a confession made without knowing — & to be deciphered bysthose who « know better than all » , alas ; this all ends with a Profound falsification — not just of the text but also of the experience of reading — such that It replaces : the event of story with a theory about the story , what happens with what might be said about what happens and , moreover , It claims that the truth of literature lies not in what It sꜽs — nor in how It sꜽs It — but what in It hides — as though the ꜷthor were — merely — a conduit for : Subterranean meanings , Unconscious symbols , or Historical forces , How-ever ; Some-times a character’s grief is — simply — grief & a field of grass is a field of grass , moreover ; a story mꜽ reach It’s power not by meaning Some-thing else but by meaning — exactly — what It appears to mean , and nꜷght more  , and furthermore  Mine inability to Under-stand people : which ties back to My Specific schedule as , in , I was searching for Some Grotesquͤ images Web-site to watch It , I saw Some C.S.A.m. — annoying — indeed — How-ever ; problem lies not in Them being annoying but how It came to be , let Me explain My-self as thus : from My point of view seeing how people try to guard & persecute These So-called Illegal material are No different from Non-fungible-token people — or as I like to call Them : « N.f.t.-bros. » — since both sꜽ the Same thing unto Me : « You can’t copy & paste It , becꜷse reasons ! » , alas ; that’s not — exactly — an Entertaining answer since It doesn’t explain the quͤstion of « Why can’t I ? » , rather than reply to « Why I oughn’t do ? » , and — upon Further thinking — I’ve — as I’ve stated in p.7302 / Status update № 5 — come to the Following conclusion : that ; nꜷght They sꜽ is rꝏted in a Logical Frame-work but rather in a « It has been This wꜽ. » Frame-work for a while , which — in turn — cꜷses Them to take on the presumptions stated hereinafter , including but not limited to : You can’t create a country , You can’t copy & paste C.S.A.m. , You can’t cheat in games , You can’t pirate , You mustn’t not work and get money , You must try to get kids , You mꜽn’t go against Your gender , You mꜽn’t try New — Non-traditional — practices , You shan’t not get sad , You must — alwꜽs — hꜹe a job , You must — alwꜽs — keep Your-self occupied , & so forth with Appearant reason , and ; that — Mine Honourable readers — is Some-thing I can’t parse , or rather — wrap Mine head around It , since It requires accepting the axioms of Them [ humanity ] , alas ; for They’ve rejected Min e axioms , why am I ought to accept Thine — verily , no Such reason exists , moreover ; to those who wonder : They are being advertised as : « Loli porn » , « Teen porn » , « Pedomom » , « Young Teens »  , or « Little whore » , moreover ; in OnionDir all Adult links — nearly — lead to C.S.A.m. — be warned , so keep that in mind while You’re searching to watch people die — Some Grotesquͤ images Web-sites are for Animals only , therefore should You wish to watch only humans dying , please , chꝏse It carefully — to whom It mꜽ wonder : prices are Outrageous in TOR Web-sites , as in I wouldn’t pꜽ 90 EUR a month to get C.S.A.m. that’s just High-wꜽ robbery , alas ; I hꜹe No choice left to but search harder becꜷse Reddit ( Coörperation ) decided that Grotesquͤ images shall be banned — ah , woe is Me for Every gore Web-site I search I only find Paͤdophilia — They lie to Me , such that when I click on « gore hard » It just opens more-&-more C.S.A.m. , tiringly — as one mꜽ expect ; I will stop searching for Grotesquͤ images on TOR browser , and lastly  My Smaller dream : is to live in an Alternate reality — not a Specific one , per se , but rather a reality made up using Text-based Role-plꜽing game , like on discord , to create a world where I can create New realities with Some-one else — or Some sorts , now  since that I’ve talked about all I had to sꜽ  It’s time to talk about My dream — one can , actually , call It « My Bigger dream » , since the Other-one is « My Smaller dream » ; lꝏk at the picture : It depicts a Land-scape scene , one where : sky occupies the majority of the composition and is filled with Large & Textured clouds of Varying shades of bluͤ & white , horizon is dominated by Distant mountains — which blends with the sky , a girl — actually , miguardia roxy m. from mushoku tensei : Jobless Re-incarnation — stands on Grassy terrain while holding Her staff , verily ; such is the depiction of Utmost serenity , thencefore  one can Already deduce what I want , or rather — to speak — Under-stand what It is : My dream , from Every-thing I’ve Already spoke of , so far ; I’ve spoken about from living in My Smaller dream to what I hate in Literature-writing , which — is mainly — about people reading more into than what It — simply — is , and It all points to one thing , and only that thing , which is : Me wanting to live in a Different world , surely  that is My dream , one where I can : Re-incarnate , live calmly , & fight , indubitabilis ; although such life would be free of pains of current one , yet — still — ridden with pains , the chance to harm Every-thing without consequͤnces from systems — such as law , or similar — and only deal with the Immediate consequͤnces , with only cost being being stronger than Them , I would like to live there , lest You Mis-under-stand Me ; I — just — want to live peacefully , just that It Some-times contains violance , nonetheless : My will of Safely living is not a dream to sell but a Real one , I want to be strong so I can be lazy & nice , in general , to people and don’t mind Any-thing , and  in that world I would : trꜹel , meet people , lꝏk at trees , relax , camp , & c. with No care to Petty things , verily ; mꜽ Some-things Never change , e.g./ taxes , but so do I : I change not , for I want to live — at least in Such world gone be the taxes of stupidity nor laws of stupid — & touch the clouds & Fresh grass while not dealing with Useless shit , as mꜽ or mꜽ not stated hereinbefore  wishes of Mine means nꜷght for \(f_M\) , the Cruel function It is , decided that My reality shall be — and so I am , How-ever ; for One-thing I carry that will let Me do this : My Small dream or using My Lucid dreams , whichof I speak is still on the process of training.

The adventure We , the one in the Bigger dream , had — & consequͤntly ; reading This status — is over , and the celebration for It ends , alas ; life goes on.

Here begynneth the tale of spilt milk and woe : how Dame hu tꜵ did weep sore , and Lady yanfei chided Her with Great ire — for the milk was from the lady’s core , made to entertain Her Betrothed one , and behold & lo  ‘ere the White liqꭣr had yet sunk into the Reed-strewn flags , Dame hu tꜵ , abashed as a novice cꜷght at Mis-reading Her psalter , flung Her-self prone , smiting the pꜹement with Her brow thrice & crying mercy in a voice both shrill & hoarse : for shame & fright contended within Her like 2 Jealous curs , alas ; Lady yanfei — whose countenance burneth ever with a Fire ꜷstere — stꝏd above Her unmoved , as an Oaken rꝏd that heedeth neither wind nor hail , and unto Her said Lady « Thou hast — wantonly — poured forth that which was drawn from the Hidden fountains of My Very essence , a drꜷght brewed not for swine nor serf but for the solace of My Chosen one , see ; now what wage is meet for Thine Heedless hand. Rise , o Careless keeper of the Death-house ! Gird Thy sorrow and betake Thee Forth-with to Liyuͤ harbor — that lieth just without Thy Lugubrious parlorship — and fetch to Me anew the Up-par Quality milk , ‘ere 2ⁿᵈ crow of the cock , alas  should You fail , then price shall be writ on Thine Own bones which My clerks shall score & weigh — then grind to lime for the whitening of Tomb-stones. » , whenceforth — hꜹing thus proclaimed  She placed in the trembling palms of Little dame and a Little ewer of jade — green as a serpent’s eye — bidding Her guard It More dearly than Maiden-head or soul : and Little dame , who had in Better hours lꜷghed at the antics of ghosts & tripped — lightly — amid the catafalquͤs , now found Her mirth fled as rats before a torch , with garments bespattered by Pale stains that marked her folly ; She set forth along the Lantern-road , where Mulberry-paper lights swꜽ like Uneasy spirits & the Slick stones glimmer as though Some Watery realm strove to drown the mꝏn , many turned to mark Her passage  the Fish-wife — whose breath is rank with brine , the Spice-monger whose beard is dusted gold with camphor & clove , & the Boat-scribes who lean idle upon Their quills & wager coppers on Each passer-by , and ; They — perceiving the blot of sorrow upon Her sleeve & the crest of Wang-sheng house upon Her gidle — hailed Her with Rough courtesy or Sly derision : « Why woe is You , friend ? » qꭣth a Pot-bellied stevedore , while scratching His scalp with a Hꝏked thumb — « Hast Thou lost a lover , or but a cup of Maiden-milk ? » was said unto the Little dame by Another person — a Grey nun whose veil smelled faint of Cheap incense , murmured that such Grievous spots Fore-told a funeral ; which , coming from the mistress of funerals Her-self , was either a Grim jest or Dire prophecy , yet  Little dame — with Her eyes Red-rimmed and Her knees aching from the Earlier prostration — could render no tale sꜹe a Low confession that : « Milk of Lady yanfei is More worth than caskets of Night-jade or strings of Finest Qilin-pearls , and that I — who hath spilt It — must ransom Mine hide else see It tanned for parchment. » , now  The Town-folk , hearing this , crossed Them-selves or spat for luck ; some lꜷghed behind Their hands , wagering whether the Dread jurist would Truly flꜽ so merry a soul , while others whispered that the lady’s humours were fickle as Spring hail & might as Readily pass , still ; the errand brꝏked no tarrying — past the Tea-houses where dancers in Saffron sleeves spin tales with Ankle-bells , past the Plꜽ-houses whose bambꝏ shutters clatter like Dry pones , past — even — the brazier where a Rag-clad poet roasted Chest-nuts over poems none would buy — the Little dame , hu tꜵ , hastened with the ewer clutched to Her breast , at length  She came unto the dairy of Her Old master , that squats at the water’s edge like a Fat White slug — It’s vats cꝏled by the breath of the river , there : cows said to graze upon the dew of Juͤyun’s Land-scape lowed with an arrogance known only to creatures who nourish emperors and exiles alike — yet the master , wizened & Rheumy-eyed , would fain be paid in coin or fꜹour , alas ; coin She carried none , hꜹing squandered Her weight of mora on Funeral spices & Fire-works for the dead , thus  kneeling once more : She begged Him in accents Sweet enough to sour His whey , lꜽing bare the dꝏm that pressed upon Her , but ; He , a man who’s a merchant first & moralist after , weighed Her plea upon the Greasy balances of His heart : seeing profit , or — mꜽhaps delight in Lady yanfei’s wrath , He granted Her the milk , How-ever  as She lifted It the Old rogue made a sign warding off evil , muttering that no udder in teyvat shall be pressed thrice for the Same cup — lest demons claim the pail. Back through the harbor did She hurry , the jade ewer now sloshing with Pearlescent hope — though each jolt of the cobbles threatened disaster anew , and behind Her fluttered a rabble of urchins ; They were chanting doggerel about Spilt milk , death , & Lawe-suits — Dark birds wheeled above , cawing like clerks tallying souls at Market-dꜽ.

Velhâsıl-ı kelâm : böylece Hu Tâ , süt dökmenin günahının kefâretini sırtlayıp , yeşim ibriği titrek lakin yılmaz elleriyle sarıp sarmalayarak geri döner — ve bakarsın , süt bu sefer dökülmez , yahut dökülür de hikâye bir kere daha başlar ve biz de hâlâ gülüp ağlarız : çünkü kim demiş dökülen sütün arkasından ağlanmaz ? Bazen insanın kendi bizzat dökülen süt olur.

One ought for to remember p. 9525 / Status update № 1 / Section « How useful are Those axioms ? » / § 4 , and what I’ve said , whenceforth ; let Me ask : « If one were to scream — vibrations of air made by an Ephemeral flesh with all of It’s air in the storage — To-wards Their pillow and No-one hears the scream : does It mean that It — still — exits , even if No-body heard It ? Does a scream have existence if It’s Only internal ? Is It real or just a Soundless desperation trapped in flesh ? Does Unexpressed pain count as Real pain , moreover ; do You — still — suffer , or does the silence consume one’s silence into Non-being , whencefore ; can an Internal torment that Never hꜹe exited the skull Actually exist , what is real ? » , and then answer It as such : « ‘tis nꜷght but a Fꝏl dream even if We try to decide Other-wise ».

« Do You hate Me ? » are the Kind quͤstions that plague My mind when I am sober , I shall admit , as ; You’re a friend — one I Alwꜽs forgive , even if to Mine harm. I don’t know if I want to be an human , why Every-one are ? I forgive you — not because You deserve It , but because I’m addicted to being hurt , I presume. I wonder if I’d be happier if I did believe in Any-thing : god , love , Re-incarnation , or astrology — It’s just that I’m tired of pꜽing rent to exist in This body : eating , drinking , & shelter. I hꜹe : no gods to answer My prꜽers , No love to anchor Me , No Re-incarnation to promise unto Me a 2ⁿᵈ chance , & No astrology to inject narrative in My chꜵs that’s created by No-one by It. I want to not exist Any-more , to be free of consequͤnces — why My body can’t Under-stand this is a dream , why can’t I wake up. \(f_M\) — really — is a menace — isn’t It , Mine interlocutors ? Do You Ever quͤstion why things are the wꜽ They are — as in ; why trump , why putin , why Our mamans , why Our papas , why people in Our lives : are the wꜽ They are ?

Ich sehe in Meinem ꜷge , Mein selbst — aber , sollt Es sein ?

I’ve asked unto My mother : « Are You real ? » , She answered by holding Her cheeks and sꜽing « I’m real. » , whenceforth ; I asked Her : « Are You real ? » , and there She went , interestingly ; being an human is absurd — parasitic , even : paying money to exist , such as ; eating , drinking , shelter — not out of joy , but out of obligation for survival — are met in order to maintain the Meat-suit We are wearing so that We can suffer Another day , verily — I shall repeat My-self ; the Only reason We pꜽ rent for Our bodies , and by proxy Our-selves , is so that We can continuͤ to suffer , again , To-morrow , moreover ; as I’ve laid out in p. 9525 / Status update № 2 I think , more-&-more , that I’ve come to the realization of Me not being in fꜹor of This flesh , the flesh that makes Me , albeit — at the Same time — found My-self unable to free My-self from in It , undoubtedly ; It has trapped Me inside of It — a Co-dependent relationship , one can sꜽ — and does not let Me go & I can’t get out of It — Primal side of Me , not Fꜷx Me , is connected to It , cꜷsing Me to feel pain when I try to free My-self out of It’s reach , How-ever ; I believe dꜽ will come to sꜹe Me , an Eternal sleep of Some sorts.

Ever on and on I continuͤ circling with nꜷght but Mine hate in a carousel of agony , ‘till — slowly — I forget & Mine heart starts vanishing and suddenly I see that I can't break free — I'm slipping through the cracks of a Dark eternity with No-thing but My pain & the Paralyzing agony ! Tell Me who I am , who I was : uncertainty enveloping My mind ‘till I can't break free — and : maybe ‘tis a dream , maybe Nꜷght else is real — but It wouldn’t mean a thing if I told You how I feel , so ; I’m tired of all the pain , of the misery , inside and I wish that I could live feeling nꜷght but the night.

You can tell Me what to say , You can tell Me where to go , but ; I doubt that I would care & Mine heart would never know — if I make Another move , there’ll be No more turning back becꜷse Every-thing will change and It all will fade to black.

To-morrow ever come ? Will I make It through the night ? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light ? Am I hurting ? Am I sad ? Should U stꜽ or should I go ? I’ve forgotten how to tell , did I ever even know ? Can I take Another step ? I’ve done Every-thing I can all , all the people that I see I’ll never Under-stand — if I find a wꜽ to change , if I step into the light : then I’ll never be the same and It will all fade to white.

If I make Another move , if I take Another step : then It all would fall apart , there’d be nꜷght of Me left. If I’m crying in the wind , if I’m crying in the night : will there ever be a wꜽ , will Mine heart return to white ?

Can You tell Me who You are ? Can You tell Me where I am ? I’ve forgotten how to see , I’ve forgotten if I can. If I opened Mine eyes up there’d be No more going back ‘cꜷse I’d throw It all awꜽ , and It all would fade to black.

You may listen to This song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyuzqRfhQaU

To help Some-one in order to get Some-thing , that was the basis of That scene in the theory — cutting planks to get access to Some-thing in the hut , I remember not , How-ever — as a Side note , I must repeat the fact ; humans , the Pitiful creatures — including Me , need to fulfill Their times with — even if that comes at a cost — Fun activities to spend Their time with an illusion of joy , I did that — only to achieve the entertainment I was yearning for by putting Mine Head-phone cable through My wrist towards My neck , Ultimately writing Mine Inevitable demise — unknowingly , and pulling the Ear tips Up-wards until They reach to Mine ears , yet ; for the most part : nꜷght happened apart from feeling My veins contracting , churning , resisting , & crying aloud becꜷse of the presence of Head-phone cable in Them while cutting wꝏd — yes , My veins were pumping music unto Mine ears instead of blꝏd — and I could feel Mine Head-phone cable wanting to stꜽ in It’s place — I think this was a « Machine v. Human » event , verily ; ‘twas distracting to Constantly be reminded of My Left arm was resisting with It’s Every move against the Electrical signals trꜹeling through My arm , chest , and finally neck before Re-surfacing again to meet Mine ears — I can feel the cable in My Fore-arm still , lꝏking at My veins I see a cable and Biological High-wꜽs to carry blꝏd , moreover ; It — the Head-phone — aches — throbs , even — to be recognized as an intruder even in My Awake-life , Living world was ought for to be recognized as reality — then why do I — still — feel It’s Grotesquͤ presence flowing through — in the Other one , not This one Weirdly enough — Mine arm , surely ; It must be becꜷse there’s no Tangible difference betwixt 2 of Them , both are created in Our heads & plꜽed like reality until We wake up — reminds Me of My philosophy & stance against life , then This feeling mꜽ be the evidence of It being real , alas — nꜽ , My dreams ends not there ; after finishing building the bridge I decided to take of Mine Head-phones , First slowly : pulling It gently out of My veins , feeling It’s journey through My neck — how It squͤezes and forces My Delicate structures , then comes the arm : I — at first — pull It slowly , feeling the tension on My veins leꜹe , only for Me to get impatient and go faster : tearing , pulling , harming , & introducing fear unto My flesh & Fragile veins without a care & feeling nꜷght , alas ; My body forgꜹe Me not , for It then started bleeding In-side , and started to suffocate Me from In-side — « Internal hemorrhage » ‘twas — cꜷsing Me to panic — I didn’t want to panic though , so I’ve told Every-one to help Me and stꜽ calm , alas ; in the end It was Me who was the only person panicking , yet I know now : in Me there’s 2 people — one is Fꜷx Me created from sum of My brain which thinks It has Real control & other is My brain , the truͤ owner of I.